The Black Liars

Part Three

UK Tour 2003

A new year, a new tour. The start of the tour brings excitement, with everyone waiting on tenterhooks for delivery of the Black Liars' album...

Jump to:

Friday 31st January 2003
Monday 3rd February 2003
Saturday 8th February 2003
Monday 10th February 2003
Friday 21st February 2003
Tuesday 25th February 2003
Friday 28th February 2003
Tuesday 4th March 2003
Saturday 15th March 2003
Tuesday 25th March 2003
Wednesday 2nd April 2003
Saturday 5th April 2003
Wednesday 4th June 2003

Friday 31st January 2003

Myron writes...

"Bracknell went great to a full house; Rich I think is taking hallucinogenic drugs now though, he ended the Big Improv song with a completely unexplained "Steve got crushed by a Wizard"... he was singing about a Hod Carrier so where that came from nobody knows... for the first time ever Otis had to apologise to the audience for spoiling an otherwise faultless rendition.. he was obviously doing the "thinking five minutes ahead" thing which is how he manages all those incredible improv things and somehow he started talking aloud during the song! either that or he's seen Lord of the Rings Way Too Many Times...

Getting home was fun.. the M25 was closed one way and I eventually got in to a snow bound Brentwood at 2am, only an hour late though some poor bastards had been stuck on the motorway system for up to 11 hours.. How this affects the CD delivery remains to be seen; They still haven't arrived I'm going to have to leave for Nottingham quite soon as I have all the gear in my van today so without me there is no Show! It would normally take me 2.5/3 hours to get to Nottingham and I'm anticipating four or five...."

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Monday 3rd February 2003

Myron writes again...

"Everybody safe and sound in Notts etc; I picked up 30 CDs (all they had ready for us... grrrr) from a car park in Milton Keynes... Sold out by Leeds, and there were probably another 10 - 15 potential sales too; we're doing an Otis Live & Black Liars Deal -- both for £20 and it's doing very well... Have another 80 arriving Weds, plus we've decided to order a further 100 immediately.. not going for big amounts as we're still not convinced this weekend wasn't a 'blip'.. we'll order little and often so we don't get saddled with a load at the end of the tour.."

And the Reverend, with pretty much the same news...

"After the hell of London and the M25 last week, post our Bracknell gig we were lucky to get home (I actually couldn't) let alone receive delivery of any cd's at all, but we got 30 and figured that'll do for the weekend. Well, we sold out in 2 nights! We could have sold even more - so more are ordered and we should have them soon. At the shows we have a deal with the Otis cd - you can get both for £20, and they seem to love that deal. So you should have a load of copies this week. See you at the weekend. Alvy"

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Saturday 8th February 2003

Yours truly, the Priestess, writes about last night's gig in Haywards Heath...

"Haywards Heath was fun - lots of larking about nicking the knobs off each other's amps in the soundcheck, a brief moment of panic as Nick's sandwiches do quite inexplicable damage to Damian's amp and he's lost the little knobbly bit off the bottom of his bass that keeps the spiky bit inside when it's not in use ("spiky bit" = endpin, I now know). It was in the van all the time..

Last night's Cardiff gig was eventful, apparently. Rob has promised to write me a diary entry about it...

Show went well. Couple of new songs. Lots of banter. Couple of bits stick in my mind - Big Improv song (Big Chris this evening) is about Chris who makes valves for a living. Inspired bit from Otis - Chris has to stop a Valvalanche! And during big finish at the end Orson does his entire mad rock guitarist bit and plays the guitar over his head - pretty funky but this is bested by the Reverend - seeing a man hoist a double bass over his head has to be seen to be believed!

Took delivery of some 30 CD's to post out and have brief "Black Liars' World Domination Through Music" meeting in the corridor behind the stage with Damian - the nitty-gritty of mail order CD's - how much, who's doing what etc.

The boys had booked in for a curry back in London but with half an hour before the booking and they're still packing the instruments away it's decided that somewhere local would be more appropriate. Curry very nice. More discussion of this and that over dinner - I am given the all-clear to do an MP3 mix of some of the album to put on the site (see the Shop Page to download). I've also been working on a prototype Black Liars t-shirt, so keep an eye on the shop for that too...

Get home, and even though it's 2am have to give the album a listen. It's not a comedy album per se but has many fun moments - tongue-in-cheek would be the phrase I suppose. It definitely holds its own as a "proper" album - some straight country (songs involving trains and shootouts), some covers of alt.country favourites of theirs and some which are more blues than country. And the infamous Kylie cover... turn it up loud. Turned out nice..."

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Monday 10th February 2003

As promised, Rob/Myron sends me his thoughts on the previous week's touring.

"After travelling through snow and ice last week the gigs for far this week at Leeds, Shrewsbury and Cardiff have gone without any major hitches...

The big shipment of Black Albums arrived almost intact; well actually thirty three of them were damaged which the CD company reckons is a bit of a record.. Still, new cases are on their way so all's well blah blah..

Cardiff Glee Club was a riot (almost literally) of frenzied heckling which Otis fielded with consummate skill; one particular one, Penny (no relation of course to the Priestess, honest), eventually put down by the line "they say you can judge a woman's worth by her name..." which got near on a standing ovation. One drunken couple's constant and inane heckling along the lines of "is that your real name?" and "Are those tattoos real?" eventually led to them being escorted from the building by the Glee Club's immense bouncers, and according to Jez the Tour Manager a classic "I'll - kick- you - down - those - bloody - stairs - Boyo / Leave - it - Terry - he's - not - worth - it" scenario ensued.   Meanwhile, oblivious to all this the crowd really got their money's worth as the extended heckling added an extra half hour to the show.

Other notable contributions were girls screaming for Orson and Alvy's attention, several song requests (which resulted in the first performance of "Drunk" for quite a while) and a chap who inexplicably shouted "I've got three toes".   Go figure...

The gigs at Haywards Heath, Hornchurch and Southampton passed almost without incident in comparison; we were a bit late to Haywards Heath, arriving to find the Priestess had got bored and joined the production team for the night (she was numbering seats when we got there.. a compulsive organiser, we think).

Rich was in a mischievous mood and tested the patience of the Rev and Orson with a series of pranks which included amplifier knob removal and puree-ing Nick's sandwich with Alvy's amplifier.   Rich also has been having problems with faulty beard glue at several shows recently; and has taken to using superglue...never say the man doesn't suffer for his art.

At Hornchurch we had the first real technical problems of the tour when for some reason the sound crew couldn't get the monitors to work and we ended up waiting either on stage or in the Green Room for two hours...after a hurried soundcheck the show started ten minutes late.

We seem to be getting the hang of the going-out-front-to-sell-the-merch lark. We've gone from not getting there fast enough to find everybody gone, to running out before everyone has even left their seats, so they exit to see four men in black standing alone looking a bit desperate to sell CD's. Jez and Alvy have now designed a jolly looking display table out of posters and sticky-backed plastic which keeps peoples attention so we can saunter out to a little gaggle of people waving money. You live and learn... The 2 CDs for £20 deal is a massive success, although the feeling of disappointment when people realise we're not actually American is overwhelming.   It's really tempting to keep the accents going. Rich follows us out as soon as he can, after a tug of war team have removed his Otis Beard.

Seems like we've been touring for ages yet we're only about a quarter of the way through... we are maintaining an impressively high after-show Curry count, although at Shrewsbury and Cardiff we were reduced to dressing room takeaway pizza due to the miles we had to travel home. Still, there are definitely worse ways to make a living. And probably better diets...

More news as we get it. Now here's Bob with the weather...."

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Friday 21st February 2003

Rob/Myron again...

"Well, about the quietest fortnight of the tour is nearly over; with gigs for me and Nick in Southampton, Leicester, Milton Keynes, & Norwich, with Otis, Alvy and Orson nipping over to Ireland for the Dublin Olympia date... mind you, Rich seems to have taken over the airwaves with appearances on Buzzocks, God Almighty and All New Comedy Store in one week.. not that he was here to see it though, Rich flew to New York after the Dublin gig, and returns on Friday for the gig in Hoddesdon.. he's just a jetlag junkie...

Received disturbing comments afterwards at Milton Keynes and Norwich that Otis was at times inaudible due to bad sound mixing... this tends to happen because the sound guys are used to mixing bands rather than comedy, and don't understand that the vocals have to be extremely prominent... On stage we tend to have very good monitor speakers so it all sounds fine to us.. However, at Norwich we find the venue has only two monitors (we need five) and only four mikes (we use at least six) and no Direct Injection boxes (we need those for Fiddle, Bass and the Acoustic Guitar).. And one extension lead for power, whereas we need to plug in at least eight electrical things..... we offer our own personal mike leads, mikes, boxes and bits and bobs, to find the Norwich Playhouse Theatre, built in the ancient times of 1983 (obviously pre-amplified performance, something which the Edwardian Leeds City Varieties seemed to cope with) can't actually plug more than six things into it's mixing desk... I have more facilities than this at home and I'm not an Arts Council Funded Venue... consequently we make do with two monitors (for the use of Otis, the Rev and Orson), while me and Nick make do with what we can hear.. The Steel and Guitar amplifiers are completely un-miked, so vary between being too loud and not loud enough; it's hard to judge onstage whether we're drowning out Otis' funny lines, which is something we work hard at avoiding... Still, the sell-out crowd seem to enjoy it nevertheless.

It was more worrying to hear similar comments at (another sell-out!) Milton Keynes, as the Stables Theatre is a purpose built mainly jazz and blues music venue. Otis could not resist the "Jazz ain't nothin' but a Blues quartet pushed down a long flight of stairs" line which went down a treat ... It's possibly the best equipped venue I have ever played in.. owned by Johnny Dankworth and Cleo Laine, it got a hefty kick up the kazoo thanks to a lottery grant.. it was totally rebuilt and refurbished and has absolutely everything, including a state of the art PA and a little CD shop in the foyer. Backstage the facilities are perfect, and even the loading in dock has been scientifically worked out. If only the sound engineers went to more comedy clubs.....

Made a heroes return to my local Thursday fun pub gig at the Essex Arms in Brentwood.. it's a gig I do when I'm not playing elsewhere for actual money, and the resident band (of which I am a member) play anything from original material to Hank Williams to Fleetwood Mac depending on the mood.. it's free to get in too, we play for tips! Quite a proportion of the audience went to see Otis in Hornchurch, so it was their first chance to give me a ribbing about the Live Floor Show (where my eye, hand and hat made fleeting appearances), and ask the usual questions: "does he really make those songs up?" etc.. I was also wearing my prized Rich Hall Shirt, which drew admiring comments... in true footballer style, Rich and I swapped shirts at a gig; I was wearing a University of Kentucky Nike Training Top (a kind of baseball jacket - very rare over here), and Rich offered a swap for one of his western-style shirts, as seen on stage and TV (fortunately not a de-armed Otis one). Not only does it look great, when I'm really hard up it should fetch a bundle on E-bay.."

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Tuesday 25th February 2003

More from Myron - no pictures though.

"Hoddesdon Civic Hall passed without notable incident, apart from the fact that Rich had only flown in that afternoon.. he had a bit of an adventure; he was booked to do a corporate event in New York, which if the Country Music ones I do are anything to go by are well paid but unenjoyable. Mind you, Rich probably isn't competing with a bull riding machine and a rifle range for the punters attention.
Due to JFK being snowed in, he couldn't leave straight after the Dublin gig as planned and flew back to London, thinking it was now not possible to make it to the US in time... however the corporate sponsors flew him via Concorde once the airport had reopened. Thankfully he did suffer the return journey on a regular flight, arriving tired and jetlagged as predicted, but meeting up with us at the venue spot on time. In a major departure from the established programme, Rich decided to do the opening set also as Otis, albeit Solo, with yours truly coming on for the last number of the set.
Oxford Playhouse was a 600 seater sell out and we arrived to find the tiny theatre next door had Daniel Kitson on.. apparently the scene of his first ever paid gig, he put it on his tour as a "big thank you/back to his roots" kind of deal.. Our show went well, Rich repeating the Solo Otis first spot, and we also shifted loads of product afterwards, which is an added bonus.
Disaster befell us when we found our selected curry house closed, but around the corner was a lovely Chinese, so we had a large round table, with one of those big glass turntables in the middle for the sharing of dishes. Danny Kitson joined us and it became apparent that Nick and I were the only two people in the place not expert in the wielding of chopsticks. The ever polite Daniel offered consolation in the theory (possibly bullshit) that the Chinese measured your enjoyment of the meal by how messy you left the table. In which case I must have been positively orgasmic.
After dinner entertainment was provided by a high-tech game of pass-the-parcel using a digital camera and the glass turntable. Object of the game: Place camera (on it's 10 second timer) on turntable, everybody put their chins on the table and stares forward.   Gamesmaster Mr. Hall spins said turntable with camera on until it goes off in somebody's face. Look at resulting picture and laugh hysterically. Repeat process umpteen times until we finally get one of Alvy, otherwise he'll sulk. Spend rest of evening with white dots on eyes. There is no prize, but some of the shots look very arty indeed. In fact I decide to approach the Arts Council for a grant of many thousands for some kind of poncy art installation along these lines. You heard it here first."
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Friday 28th February 2003

Priestess goes to gig again shocker...

"Went up to High Wycombe last night - glad I did. Everyone was going straight home so no curry though, and I went on my motorbike so a bit of a cold lonely ride home. Had a laugh at the gig though - took my SLR and some black and white high-speed film so hopefully some arty pictures once I get them developed.

Did the merchandise stall with a man from a bookshop selling "Things Snowball" - I was doing the CDs though - lots of people coming up to buy Rich's and then deciding they want the Black Album too after they've seen the Liars play! Also my moment of stardom - someone in the audience during the show wants a t-shirt. Orson takes this opportunity to point out that you can get Black Liars T-shirts (which you can - see the Shirt Page). Otis scoffs. Orson says they're on the Liars website. Sounds like a cue for me - so I dash up from my stall up the side of the auditorium and plonk my arse on the stage so that people can see my lovely Black Liars t-shirt. Otis looked a bit stunned, and maybe a bit jealous so I offered to do him some Otis shirts if he wants!

The shirts are very bespoke but we're getting a few orders - the Rev wants one to put on the stall as an example so am going to try and get one done for him over the next few days, as I'm hoping to go to Bristol Bierkeller gig again - my husband works in Bristol and I went to the Bierkeller last year."

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Tuesday 4th March 2003

Priestessy musings on the Bristol Bierkeller gig.

"Bristol Bierkeller again - went to this one last year and it's always good fun as the audience are more laid-back than they tend to be in the theatre gigs. One drawback is that the sound people are more used to bands like Antrhax than the Black Liars so everything is very loud - our boys keep asking for things to be turned down but the Bierkeller people don't seem to understand the concept of "not so loud". It's alright during the gig though. In the pre-show conversation I learn some things - the London gig had only ten tickets left the previous morning, so I'm glad I bought mine in January. Secondly, one of the Glasgow gigs is to be recorded for a future album release on Universal, so the boys are brushing up the new songs for that.
The gig itself has it's fair share of ups and downs - the crowd are very enthusiastic (maybe some are a bit too enthusiastic), but if anyone was worried that this would be another Cardiff this was unfounded, as the hecklers soon calmed down a bit and many encores and calls for requests at the end showed how good a time everyone had had.
Notable things - the audience seemed to be full of diving instructors, apart from Big Ed who's life as a policeman was put into song. During the first section (Otis on his own) Otis' beard fell off again, and Rich who is by now used to this had some good funny lines to cover this up. However, he does make a bit of a mistake when he forgets to un-transpose his keyboard for "Are You My New Daddy Now?", which he has brought Myron out for, so when the pedal steel comes in it's obvious that one of them is playing in the wrong key... Christian (not Orson yet as he's not on until after the interval) is watching the gig with me at the time and he twigs what's going on before anyone else in the room, and when the onstage couple work it out both Christian and I are creased up laughing...
During the second section they have a bit of trouble with very voluble hecklers complaining about the lack of Jack Daniels at the bar, prompting a quiet but funny (to those of us who heard him) "I'm Spartacus" from Orson.
Jez and I organise the merchandise stand - during the gig I find myself a little spot where I can see both the show and keep an eye on the merchandise - we now have a couple of Black Liars t-shirts on display and a few people take forms for these. Quite a few Liars albums going tonight - and after the gig we sell a lot of the two CD offer and Rich and the boys come out to sign as usual so the good people of Bristol are well pleased.
After the gig we go for a curry, but Christian couldn't wait it seems - after packing away the gear he finds time for his sarnies (smoked salmon and cream cheese Ryvita, for the anoraks among you).
Same curry house we went to last year I think. Slight moment of confusion on totting up the bill as Alvy has too much money. The assembled menfolk have apparently been thrown by the fact that I am trying to pay for my meal - they had split the cost between the six of them, not including me, the number seven. They won't hear of me paying for my food, and even though I'm trying to get them to let me pay for it my sixteen pounds is repeatedly pushed back into my hands so I give up trying to be a modern woman and let them buy me dinner again. Bless 'em.
Some difficulty with them finding their hotel - we can see it, but we can't work out how to get onto the other side of the carriageway to get to it. After a couple of slingshot manoeuvres around some of the less scenic roundabouts in the Temple area of the city I eventually pick a spot pretty close to where I'm staying and they drop me off. Hopefully they found the way into their hotel in the end. "

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Saturday 15th March 2003

Myron writes...

"The Bristol gig went well, (see Priestess' entry), and after a nice curry (Nick estimated that during the course of the tour we'll spend about £400 each on curry...) we finally found our hotel. I managed to drive my shiny new van into a "Slow" road sign that somebody had thoughtfully left next to a parking bay, which I didn't see as I turned into it.. drat and double-drat.... the others saw a minor scratch, although I viewed it with Grand Canyon-like proportions...
Liverpool Neptune Theatre is a really old dark wood lined Music Hall of a place, and we suffered from onstage sound problems, mainly of our own making as we under-estimated the time it would take to get from Bristol to Liverpool, getting there an hour late, to find no parking, the gear had to come up two flights of stairs and the Sound Engineer had fallen ill, and left his young assistant to deal with it... I think her name was Claire, and she coped admirably with five flustered musicians, faulty leads, monitors and electrical boxes... all things considered the show went very well, and Rich even gave Claire a mention from the stage..

Christian (Flu) and Nick (Heavy Cold and Foot Injury) retired hurt from the Curry Hunt, our Hotel was just around the corner from the venue, and a Thai Restaurant beckoned from across the road.. so after checking in, Alvy, Rich, Myself and Jez had a stunning Thai meal, with possibly the best service I have ever seen.. the very pretty waitresses were all imported from Thailand, and with incredible good humour, poured our beer - not just when they served it, but every time there was room to put some more in the glass; placed the napkins on our laps; spooned the food onto the plates; frankly they stopped just short of picking up our forks and feeding us like babies, which we probably could have requested... I can't remember the name but it's in Paradise Street, Liverpool, opposite the Moat House Hotel and definitely worth this plug..

Next day, we had some time to kill, as we only had to travel to Blackburn.. Alvy booked a massage in the Hotel Pamper Department, to much nudge-nudge-wink-winking among juvenile minds of the assembled party, Orson decided to cure his cold using a combination of a swim and retail therapy, his theory being stuff would be cheaper in Liverpool.. The Hotel Gym/Pool is always a big hit with the boys and Rich is a regular jogger so Nick had a wander around town while Tour Manager Jez and I did the Beatles Pilgrimage thing.. I've always been a Beatles Nut since I was tiny (I was bought Rubber Soul for Xmas when I was 4!) and had never been to Mathew Street, home of the Cavern (now a small and sorry looking car park), so we bought some souvenirs (posters for me, Jez bought Nick a "Here Comes The Sun" T Shirt, acknowledging Mr. Pynn's long stint playing for Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel. Nick completely missed the point and the connection had to be explained to him) then spent a couple of hours at the Beatles Experience Exhibition, which was a bit light on actual Beatles artefacts, but had a superb replica of the old Cavern Club within it, and would be a fantastic venue for an Otis Gig, were it possible.. It did have Lennon's glasses (the ones he wrote Imagine in apparently.. they were quite thick and powerful so one would assume he wasn't wearing them when he met Yoko...) valued at £1 million, and set in a glass case surrounded by lasers.. Whilst there, I spotted a list of the Beatles gigs, and they played our venue for tonight, King's Hall, Blackburn on June 9th 1963.. now this might not seem a big deal to you, but this was the first time I was ever going to play at a venue that the Beatles had also played so I was chuffed to bits, and skipped back to the Hotel singing yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah.....

Still, that exuberance was knocked out of me when we get to Blackburn to find that we are in the downstairs cabaret venue, not the 2,000 seater auditorium upstairs.. and Rich pours further rain on my parade when he tells me the corporate New York gig he did (see earlier diary entry) was at the Carnegie Hall, scene of the Fab Four's first US Concert... we play the Carnegie Hall in Dundee soon, but I'm sure it's not the same thing...

We make a triumphant return to a sold-out Warwick Arts Centre, which I forgot is not actually in Warwick but outside Coventry some 16 miles away.. still Warwick is a lovely town with a stunning castle, which I viewed from many different approaches, before ringing the venue to enquire as to Where The Hell They Were.. One of the best shows too, which was reflected in the CD sales at the end.. Nick's girlfriend, the one and only Jane Bom-Bane, Harmonium playing star of Edinburgh Fringe and wearer of Mechanical Hats went to Warwick Uni, and so makes an appearance during the show to sing one of her own compositions, Whoa Yeah.. News is that all the remaining shows are selling well, with Colchester, Portsmouth, London Comedy Store and the two Glasgows completely sold already.

Next morning we all assemble at the Off The Kerb offices in Hammer House (the old Horror Film Company building) in London's Wardour Street to discuss technical requirements for the live album recording.. It's pretty routine but worth the effort to see Rich's face during discussions regarding 32 channel Midas Desks, 16 bit Digital sample rates, the benefits of mastering onto a SADIE system, compression ratios etc.. Chairing the meeting is Addison Cresswell, Manager/Agent extraordinaire, who asks if Rich is OK with all this, noting the unimpressed expression on the Hall visage.. Rich replies " I would just like to say I haven't got a f***ing clue what they're talking about."

Your man in the trenches, Myron"

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Tuesday 25th March 2003

The Priestess writes with news of the London Congregation and Gig.

"The London Congregation on 24th March – not many of us here (Otis fans are liberally spread around the world, so a lot of people went to their own local gigs) but Lu, Nick and I got together in the Comedy Pub beforehand for a drinkie and a chat. I'm wearing my Black Liars t-shirt – under my Crenshaw hoodie for the moment. The trouble with Black Liars t-shirts is that if you don't know it's a band name it's a bit of an un-PC thing to be having on a t-shirt so I'm being careful! Lu has made a very fashionable wraparound over her jeans out of material with lots of little Confederate Battle Flags all over it.
And so to the gig – we manage to get ourselves nice seats – not too close to the front, near the Ladies. A bit of a running gag ensues – Nick and I keep going to the toilets to nick posters and flyers for Lu… bringing them back under our jackets and presenting them to her "Hey, you can get them to sign this!". Like all good ideas I can't remember how it started. I suppose you just had to be there.
Highlights from the show itself include the guest stars – Sol Bernstein laconically murdering a rendition of "Uncle Muncie", and Phill Jupitus as "Otis Lee Hoskins". Imagine a cockney Otis – formerly resident in D Wing of the nick and now singing in a band. He's got "West Ham" down his arm instead of "Brenda". The Liars obviously knew about this but are still cracking up laughing – "Hoskins" does a British Jailbird version of "He Almost Looks Like You" and then encores with a punk version of Britney's "Hit Me Baby One More Time" – for those of you who have seen Novalounge, think "How Deep is Your Love" but a bit less fast. Nick's girlfirend Jane Bom-Bane sings a song as well!
Another highlight for the Liars fans is a wonderful bit of close harmony singing – for those of you who have the album you'll know that Myron is a bit of a singer too, and all three of the vocal Liars do a bit of singing on the new "Wal-Mart" song which I don't know the name of. Hope it's on the new live album!
The show is packed with little funny moments – Orson changing guitars hits one of the lights which wobbles alarmingly. Otis doesn't know why everyone has started to laugh. Turns round to see Orson looking guilty. Also Otis tells Alvy "I don't want to hear any jazz tonight… jazz is just a blues quartet pushed…" you know the rest. Alvy is by now playing a jazzy riff background to this with a cheeky look on his face. Oh, and Otis forgot to tranpose his keyboard again! (See Bristol!)
Catherine Porter comes out to sing. Orson changes guitars for the first song with her, which was going to be "Till the Cows Come Home". Someone in the audience shouts "Trailerland!". Otis concurs, starts on "Trailerland", at which point Orson realises that, now he has finished changing guitars, he'll have to change back again. Starts changing guitars (again). Otis turns round and says "We're not waiting for you…".
During the introductions at the end, when Myron does his bit Orson curls himself into a little ball, still playing, so the audience can see Myron better. In the "Big Improv" song, Otis manages to pick on a member of the audience who works in a Sexually Transmitted Disease clinic. The Liars break into hysteria. He does it though, and very tactfully I thought! Ends with the usual line where our hero gets crushed by something appropriate – this time he gets crushed by a wart. Otis apologises profusely, and even admits to Orson that "he got crushed by a wart" is a worse lyric than "it's even got a hole". Only funny if you know the words to "Like a Woman" though.
For the encores, people who have the video or CD start shouting out requests. "Stalking!", "Drunk!". Female voices shout "Jailhouse Rock!". Otis says "Shall I point out some of the inconsistencies…" and big cheer from the audience. They all want to hear Orson sing.
People queue up for signing after the show. Good news for us Novalounge fans – the Reverend confirms that Novalounge are doing Late n Live in Edinburgh again this year. He's going to let me know the dates as soon as he knows.
In the bar afterwards we all drink and chat. Nice to have the leisure to do so – normally the boys have to pack up and drive off somewhere. Myron shows us that Orson has taught him how to do "jazz hands". See the balcony in Adelaide for the original "Jazz Hands" Carson… Lots of chit-chat about the tour, the upcoming live album – this is to be recorded by Damian's uncle, who not only mastered the Black Liars Album, is also a big noise in the sound engineering world, having worked with Aerosmith, and also being the person who did the sound for the opening of the Manchester Commonwealth Games! Is being recorded at the Glasgow gigs and should be out about a month after that, so maybe end of April early May? We'll see."

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Wednesday 2nd April 2003

Myron brings us the end of tour news roundup..

"Well lets carry on from where we left off......
Off The Kerb (Der Management) have excelled themselves this tour in finding the most interesting places to play. Colchester Arts Centre and Portsmouth Wedgwood Rooms being two cases in point; the former a de-consecrated church where a good night was had by all, and the latter being an excellent rock venue, who incidentally win the prize for best backstage hospitality; a big fridge stocked with water, juice, fizzy drinks and several varieties of sweet, sweet beer. Bowls of sweets, breadsticks and dips, salad, apple pie and cream, choc chip cookies, souvenir postcards, tea, coffee, and the whole dressing room area bathed in soft light from scented candles… and also a great sell out night. PLUS when we arrived they had roast Sunday lunch for us. My advice to you would be to form a band of your own even you only ever get to play at the Wedgwood Rooms, Portsmouth.
On to Cheltenham Town Hall, not the largest venue on the tour and made even smaller by the huge pillars in the room obscuring the view of some unlucky punters... we made our misgivings clear to the manager but it seemed they were used to this kind of thing, and people did actually move seats about to get a better view.. After the gig we returned to our dressing rooms to find Nick and myself had been burgled.. my phone and Palm Pilot were taken, and Nick's phone and wallet were gone... all this under the noses of the geriatric security staff. To rub salt in to the wounds, we each made three phone calls back at the hotel - police, phone company, insurers for me and Barclaycard for Nick, to be charged a further £11 each.. In the immortal words of Otis at the start of the London Not Tennessee show.. GOD DAMMITT....
We had worried about the size of the stage at Birmingham Glee Club which last year forced me and Nick to miss the gig, however an extension to the stage and some judicious set-placement (with me in what would normally be the entrance to the stage, so I got my own Steel Playing Booth), meant it all went fine, so different to Reading Concert Hall, which was a cathedral of a place with a stage the size of a small comedy venue, complete with massive pipe organ at the back standing around 40 feet high..
So to Bournemouth, a comedy club gig in a hotel conference room-cum-ballroom which gave us the impression we were about to perform at a wedding reception.. Rich soundchecked with the Carpenter's "Close To You" and "We've Only Just Begun", mercifully not included in the actual set.
Back to Theatreland for Stafford Gatehouse and Chester Gateway; Chester having the looniest get-in ever, the gear was loaded onto a wooden platform and winched 30 feet in the air to the scenery door... apparently the place was designed as a conference centre and nobody thought to provide facilities for loading anything into the auditorium..
Returning to London for the Comedy Store, I'll leave the proceedings to the Priestess to write up.. but it was great to see Phill Jupitus and the gorgeous Catherine Porter again.. next day we charge back up the M1 to play the Manchester Comedy Store, again a great gig and afterwards we hit the Curry Mile, which is a street in Manchester that rivals Las Vegas for neon signs, but every place is a Indian Restaurant... it was like we had died and gone to heaven. Full of curry, next morning we drove on the Hartlepool, and at the Town Hall we had the largest dressing room of the tour (capacity 67, it said on the door). It even had it's own canned drinks dispensing machine..
Straight after the gig we drove to Glasgow to settle into our hotel (at 4.00am!) as we had an early (for us) start of 3pm to set up for the recording of the gigs there. The Cottier Theatre turned out to be another ex-church turned theatre, bar and bistro, but once full of audience, it had a really good atmosphere. First night we got a little carried away and the show lasted way over two hours in total, which meant we ran out of digital multitrack tape during the encore, so the second show order differed slightly to make sure we had at least one good version of everything we needed for the new album. After the second show we were treated to drinks at a top Glasgow hotel bar by Addison, Rich's agent, who had flown up specially for the recording.
Ominous rumours about the gig at Dundee Rep Theatre came completely true... we were told if we wanted a soundcheck we would have to be there by 10am, which thankfully was vetoed by Rich, so we ended up doing a line-check (which is like a really short sound check just to make sure that everything works) in between the matinee and evening performances of a play set in 1930's Ireland. The set was the interior/garden of a country shack, which meant playing on the stage set itself, which was largely constructed from turf. Real grassy turf. With dirt in it and everything. We retired to our hotel to watch the England match, returning to play our show which started to a full house at 11pm.. Rich tried to convince the audience this was the travelling Otis stage set that we took everywhere, but I don't think they were buying it. Japanese Liars fans Mika and Noriko (who flew in from Japan just to see two shows and then went home again) gave us a lovely bottle of sake in Glasgow which we broke into in the hotel lounge at around 2.30 to celebrate Christian's birthday. Next morning we all assembled in the lounge to find Mother's Day in full swing, loads of people turning up for lunch, and in the restaurant the sound of a cocktail piano player could be heard, soft jazz standards and show tunes. We sat having coffee when, after a short pause, the strains of a lounge version of "Uncle Muncie" wafted over the diners... Rich had noticed the pianist had taken a break, and slipped behind the instrument while nobody (including us) was looking. There was a bizarre scene of diners politely listening to an instrumental version of the most peculiar Otis song in existence, while trying to figure out why the five rough looking characters in the coffee bar were having hysterics.
Ah, Aberdeen on a Sunday night. Anybody who's read Rich's book will know how much he loves Aberdeen. The town was not about to disappoint either; the gig at the Lemon Tree was a great success, Rich rattled into his first solo spot and tried to call me on about 20mins in, thinking he'd got to the end of the set. I was still in an upstairs dressing room. I eventually made my first appearance onstage at the end of the first set as scheduled, and the rest of the evening went brilliantly. Mika and Noriko turned up again and took loads of photos. After the audience had left we took photos of them holding fiddles and banjos etc.. We had a seagull outside our dressing room window who knocked on it for food, so we fed him bits of sandwich. Rich mentioned this onstage, naming him Steven Seagull. Hope it sticks. In the end the Seagull was better fed than us that day, dinner ended up as really rough kebabs from the only place in town we could find open at 11.30… everybody that managed to finish it suffered from some kind of stomach upset..
Cruising around Dunfermline, Jez was forced to ask somebody the immortal question: "How do we get to the Carnegie Hall?" unfortunately the lady questioned answered "it's around the corner". There must be people in Dunfermline who are begging to be asked that, much like the cabbies who live for the day somebody will jump in and say "Follow that Cab!". After the gig, where we finally sold out of our supply of Black Liars CDs (700 sold!) (more available through the website though – 'tess). We had a short trip to our Hotel in Edinburgh, a place we all know and love well. We found a splendid Indian just opposite the Playhouse, where we had our final tour curry, knowing that after the Hebden Bridge gig tomorrow we would return south straight afterwards... then back to the hotel bar for a nightcap, where four (admittedly amateur) musicians were committing murder on songs like "Whisky in the Jar", "The Irish Rover" and "Stairway to Heaven" on three acoustic guitars and a saxophone...
Getting to the Hebden Bridge gig was a nightmare of small roads and traffic, we finally got there at 6.50, nearly two hours late, threw the gear together and actually got a great sound in no time at all.. Rich gave us a pep talk about no end of tour pranks blah blah professional attitude etc, so we went onstage for Orange Blossom Special wearing various eyebrows, beards and moustaches made of black gaffa tape. Rich got his own back my not acknowledging Orson and Alvy's funny lines in "The Guitar is Like a Woman" until halfway through the next song, Rodeo Man... "Sugarmuffin was his name the one they.... WHOA! What did you say in that last song?"
So that was the end of the end of the tour... We all go our separate ways for the time being, me back to Vegas (his band – see www.vegascountry.co.uk - 'tess) and recording stuff, Christian has his stand up stuff, Nick various gigs with other famous people, Damian gigs and sound engineering jobs. Next Otis and The Black Liars gig will be Blackheath on May 24th, and hopefully we will all assemble in Kilkenny at the beginning of June if everything falls into place... Myron"

And, as is usual for him, a more succinct note from the Reverend.

"Well that's it! It's all over now. Not for long though - I think there will be further activity in the Black Liars camp as soon as we get our breath back and Rich gets back from Oz.

Scotland went well; the album has been recorded and awaits mixing mastering and final approval from everyone. It was great to see a Liars tee shirt at the Glasgow gig and more at Dundee and Aberdeen. Mika and Noriko (Yahoo Group members – 'tess) showed up to the Dundee and Aberdeen shows and were very polite and looked to be having a lot of fun.   The Dundee show was performed on live grass as we were on the set of "Dancing at Lughnasa" and I must say I like the feel of it.

The last night at Hebdon Bridge brought it usual array of surprises, unbeknownst to Rich the Liars took to the stage with fake beards and moustaches, Nick with a Salvador Dali and me with a Zapata. Orson had on some Thunderbirdesque eyebrows too. Rich got us back by not reacting to our punchlines in "The Piano is Like a Woman", which threw us into a state of corpsing - eventually he reacted but it was half way through the next song, "Rodeo Man".   It was all good fun and everybody enjoyed it.   Alvy"

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Saturday 5th April 2003

Yahoo Group member Lynz (aka Bungthree) stands in for me in giving the punter's-eye view of a Glasgow gig.

"Otis was all too good, despite being at an understandable loss of inspiration when trying to get a telephone engineer to save the world from a "phone spill", resorting to heckling said engineer to much amusement and dragging an earlier victim (cue a psychiatric nurse) into the proceedings. He rapidly regained credibility with the sheer volume of his repertoire of new and old material with a twist. This included an unusual alternative Bank Boy improv with a female audience member (yay the girls!), as well as another inspired computer-related version of The Devil Went Down to Georgia, featuring the now-classic line "we all work for Bill Gates...you can alt delete but you can't escape...".
Some of it sounded comfortingly familiar, perhaps from the Edinburgh Festival gig I saw last year (I especially liked the Scotland song - "...Fife done anything wrong...." and even mentioning my old place of work, Barrhead....) but it was good to hear the new songs alongside the old staples. Can't actually recall any of the new songs at this minute, apart from some great Liars harmonising in the Wal-Mart song.... . will have to get the new CD as soon as it's out - Rich said it should be arriving in a month or so.
But what no Stalking? That was the only disappointment, but I suppose he's really wanting to get the new stuff out there.... Here's hoping he doesn't pack Otis in and that he'll revive him for the next Glasgow International Comedy Festival.
The Liars were on great form, from Orson's superbly melodramatic wails to Alvy enthusiastically slapping his big, fat bass ("the double bass is like a woman..."), Rob's haunting vibrato oozing from his strange and wonderful contraption and Nick's energetic fiddling (oo er missus) - I have to say I'm really chuffed they all came out to meet 'n' greet after the show.
Managed to get Rich to sign my DVD, got my Liars album from Rob and was pleasantly surprised and, indeed, delighted to find the boys passing the CD round so as all the Liars could sign it (Rob wrote Hi to the congregation, dudes).
I'm off to listen to my Liars album now.....again....
Oh, and for future reference if Otis is interested, it's CARDONALD, not Caledonia! Hell, we still found it funny....
Glaswegian Congregation of...er...one, Lynz"

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Wednesday 4th June 2003

Noriko writes, after getting home to Japan...and I think her English is really very good! Well, a lot better than my Japanese. She's also put up an interview with Christian on her website, which you can read in either English or Japanese, which is very cool...

"At last, I'm at home. It was really tired trip but I'm happy. We met Rich and the Liars after Dundee gig. Rob recognised us as soon as he saw us. He and Jez were very nice and friendly.

I brought a bottle of Japanese spirit ( sake ). I hope they liked it. I didn't see Christian that time. Next day, Aberdeen. Rob said it is better to come there earlier. We went there and when I took a look inside through the window, Damian was waving his hand to me ! And Rich opened the door to let us in !!! This time, I met Christian. I explained to him I came to hear his voice. He said "yesterday was my birthday".

I enjoyed the sound check as well as the main show. It is pity I missed a lot of good jokes because of my poor English. Rob and Nick gave me their CDs. They were really nice persons. I think they are great musicians but they are not arrogant at all. They are like just good friends. It is surprising. I feel the five seems doing well not only for the show but also as a group. When I asked, Christian said Rich and the Liars will do the tour again. It is a good news. I hope I can see them again ( I will train my English by then )

Concerning my next trip to U.K., now I really want to go to Edinburgh this summer since Christian said he will do not only Novalounge but also his own stand up. And Rich said he'll do his 10 days show.

And T-shirts. Both of us wore them at Dundee. I wore it again at Aberdeen. Very nice shirts."

And more recent news and views from Myron...

"After a two month break, the Liars reassemble in Blackheath Halls, for the first of three gigs in the space of a week, one of which I am not available for, but more of that later.. It's nice to see everyone again and there's loads to talk about; Rich has been back to the States for a while, mainly to watch the Basketball Finals, but also to prepare material for his new TV show on BBC4 (keep 'em peeled Digital TV viewers) which should be screened around August.. Rich (and Mike Wilmot) has been filming bits of it already, but it also is quite topical so much work I'm sure will be done closer to the airing times..

Damian has been overseeing the mixing of the New Album which has seen some trials and tribulations.., there's been some confusion over the title and Charlie Daniels' publishers took exception to our re-working of the Devil Went Down to Georgia and refused permission in a "quite forceful" letter, apparently, so that had to go, but all the newer stuff has made it onto the album and has recorded very well.

Nick has been working with The Crazy World of Arthur Brown (he is the God of Hellfire) and writing recording and gigging with Jane Bom Bane in preparation for their two shows in Edinburgh this year. Christian of course is the new rising star of the comedy circuit in his own right, and good for him too, he's working really hard, and is really focused and dedicated. I've been busy with Vegas, doing loads of gigs and also recording sessions for various country and line dance singers, so it's fun to get back on the comedy stuff again.

Blackheath Halls is a 190 year old civic/town hall complex, set in the leafy environs of Blackheath, South London, home of Terry Waite and an extremely exclusive and desirable part of London to want to live, with a high street fully of classy shops and bistros. Rich requests us all to assemble at 3pm so, as usual, I'm first to arrive at 2.30... unfortunately the P.A. is held up in traffic so we sit around eating tea and sandwiches until around 5, when the P.A has arrived and has been assembled, and we can do a soundcheck-cum-rehearsal. The hall is cavernous and even with a large PA and monitors it's clear we are going to struggle to hear each other due to the natural reverberation on the huge stage. Fortunately after such a long tour a lot of the songs are like second nature, and we don't need a brilliant sound to make a half decent fist of it, so we all ask for loads of Rich's piano and voice in our monitors, cause that's what we tend to follow in these circumstances. A quick run through refreshes the memory and we are set to go.

The Blackheath Congregation - bunch of boozing birds...
from right to left, Iszi (friend of Tess), The Priestess herself - with glasses on. Eye infection, so no contact lenses that day). Lu's friend. Lu. Miko, Miko's friend (not Noriko, she was at home in Japan sadly). This picture taken by Myron. The Priestess is holding his pint for him while he does it. Also round her waist is the Aran coat she was knitting in the soundcheck at High Wycombe, many months ago...

In the bar the congregation er, congregates and I go over to say hello, The Priestess has a new vehicle made from a scooter or something (it's a quadricycle, legally a motorcyle for driving licence purposes - see www.aixam.co.uk for more info - but here's a pic of it in Brighton - 'tess), so we go into the carpark to have a look (I'm a bit of a petrolhead, despite not knowing one end of a spanner from the other) and I discover it's a cool looking proper car with electric windows and everything. (Myron has a cool MG - see his Vegas website. It's hidden on there somewhere! 'tess)

The gig goes pretty well, although the songs are a bit untidy in places as we struggle to keep in time as it's sounds like I'm in a tube station where I'm sitting a lot of the time, but overall the atmosphere is good... I hate cabaret seating in these civic venues, where the audience sit at tables, but I think Otis, Alvy and Orson prefer them as they are more akin to Comedy Clubs where people can sit and have a beer, and are less formal than the Theatre's style venues we tend to frequent nowadays.

Afterwards CD sales are brisk, and there's the usual wave of bitter disappointment when people find we are not from Texas.. we now try and soften the blow by saying we are actually Texans who have lived here so long we've lost the accents. Which, of course, never works...

The congregations' Lu and Miko are abandoned by the others and rather than have them turfed out by the venue into the dark Blackheath night, I bring them back to the stage area while the crew get rid of the PA and they wait for transport. Lu's lift finally arrives and Miko ends up not only with the after gig curry treatment but also a lift to her lodgings with the Reverend Alvy Ronson in his new car.. Miko also gives me a lovely gift of a Japanese box, as a consolation for not being in Edinburgh (where she lives) this year... she's very sweet and during the curry is horrified when the occupants of the table next to the Crenshaw Party do a runner without paying. Consequently the owners of the establishment lock us in until we pay, as we must look a bit shifty.

I eventually disappear into the night, to do more Vegas gigs during the week, while the others arrive in Kilkenny for the Comedy Festival... due to my gigs in Woolwich, Wrexham and Luton (which I can't get out of) I miss the Saturday night Otis show and apparently the Black Liars/Novalounge gig of the century from 1am until 5am, which encompassed every musical style from Country to Chilli Peppers, to wild applause and much drinking and dancing. I also miss the Ireland v Rest of the World Comedy XI football match, which was a shame as I wanted desperately to show West Ham why they needed me this season.

Sunday morning I'm up early to fly to Dublin. The Kilkenny people have booked two seats, one for me and one for Mr. Guitar Childs. Now there's no way the steel will fit on an aircraft seat so Mr. Guitar Childs takes his customary place in the hold. I'm tempted not to tell the airline though, so I can hear the frantic airport announcement for Mr. Guitar Childs to go to check-in immediately. I share a festival car and driver with a suntanned (he flew back from Sicily the day before) Jeremy Hardy for the two hour drive. We chat about comedy, mobile phones, and how to successfully put the sockets back into one of those moulded plastic toolkit boxes until we finally arrive in Kilkenny on Sunday afternoon.   As I'm leaving my hotel for our soundcheck, I bump into a jubilant, but sweaty Daniel Kitson, still in his kit, who has not only triumphed 5 - 3, but scored a Hat Trick.   I'm told he is a ferocious competitor.   He is not, however, an advert for Nike, as he is wearing a lace-up Grandad Shirt, P.E. Shorts and white canvas school plimsolls. Proof that you do not need a pair of Adidas Predators and your name printed across your shoulders to be a winner.

At the soundcheck, Damian has sustained a pulled hamstring during the match and is hobbling about in some discomfort... we phone Sven Goran Eriksson with the news and Damian finds a packet of frozen peas to stick under his thigh while we have dinner.

The gig is a great success and Rich also has on his person the first two boxes of the as yet unreleased new album. There are boos as he announces they will be 20 euros tonight... the night before he was selling them for 15 as usual until it was pointed out a euro is worth considerably less than a pound. Due to sustained booing from the Kilkenny crowd, who it should be noted, don't mind forking out for booze, the price remains at 15 and Rich figures it to be some kind of launch special offer.   Me and Nick finally get our hands on one each at the end of the evening, and it looks really good.

The official title is "How Do We Do It? Volume!" and is now "with" the Black Liars rather than "and" for some reason... but there are loads of pictures of everybody, and a cool one that was taken backstage in Edinburgh last year of us all playing Poker (rather, I was pretending as my knowledge of card games began and ended at Snap). All the typos appear to have been resolved, and everything sounds really good. The opening track, Orange Blossom Special, is still credited to us and not the original writers but hey, the office bods can work that one out, we're The Black Liars and don't trouble ourselves with earthly matters.

It's interesting to hear the music and not be playing it at the same time and I'm pleasantly surprised at the gentleness of some of the arrangements, especially in "Glass". The only odd thing is that the British Prison Song, "Deathrow Blues" is on the album but has no mention on the cover... and you get a lovely picture of Miss Livingstone Round-up on a rodeo horse, which, for those that don't know, is the Montana town where Rich lives in the US of A.

After a storming Otis gig, we shoot across a buzzing Kilkenny (which takes all of five minutes on foot) to my Hotel which is also the venue (as luck would have it) of tonight's repeat performance of the Novalounge/Liars Experience. Christian tells me to play lead guitar all night and I'm happy to do so, mainly because it means I don't have to set up any gear whatsoever. We have a rock solid drummer and some keyboards set up for guest players.

Off to the bar to spend my thoughtfully provided Beer Tokens and develop a taste for Murphy's Irish Stout, I just hope it tastes as good back home. In the Hotel Club Bar (artists and guests only!) I bump into my two favourite comedians, Dom Irrera and Mike Wilmot and say hello. It occurs to me that the three funniest men on the planet, Rich, Dom and Mike, all know me by name...

The gig starts at 1am with set of Novalounge favourites, interspersed with tracks from the Black Album.. although we're going down well it's clear this evening is not going to be on a par with the night before.   Nick is out on his feet by the time the second set starts at 2.45am, and retires for the evening. We continue without him and guest singers (including Adam Hills) start to appear, so we have a fine time knocking out everything from Mama Mia by Abba to Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash.

I have ton's of fun with a hip hop/rap thing which has the place literally jumping and we round things off with a surprisingly good version of "Can't Get You Out of My Head" which has everybody dancing and la-la-ing along. By now it's 4.30 in the morning, and I have to leave at 9.00, so I consider my job done, step off the stage and jump in the lift to my luxurious hotel room, two floors above.

Next morning, a gaggle of us are in the hotel lobby waiting for a minibus (Ford Transit, in White and Rust) to take us to the airport... a very fresh looking Dara O' Brien is thoughtfully down to see us off and Jimmy Carr is in surprisingly good humour considering the hour. The rustic bus driver comes in to announce his arrival. Jimmy Carr (to the driver): "I'm going to the restaurant to buy a Yop. Would you like one? It's a yoghurt based drink.." (the driver stares at him as if he is an alien). "Well, let's be off then. I must say I'm very much looking forward to it." Driver: "you'll be the feller off the telly then, I've seen yer on that London Comedy show.." It probably doesn't read very well but I was in stitches.

Nick is already waiting in the bus (he was in a different hotel) and after a few minutes chat we are all dozing our way to Dublin. We separate to check in at the airport, Nick is on Air Lingus to Heathrow, I'm on Ryan Air to Stanstead... except I'm not, after checking and watching my stuff disappear on a conveyor belt I'm told my flight has been cancelled and the next one they can get me on (unless a stand-by comes in) will leave in 10 hours time. I decide against throwing a Betty Showbusiness, and accept my fate philosophically, chatting with fellow sufferers for a couple of hours. After all, we're talking Ryan Air in Dublin on a bank holiday Monday here. A couple of flights leave with no stand-by action, so I decide the squeaky wheel gets the oil and re-present myself at the ticket desk, and ask how the stand-by list is going. As luck has it a cancellation happens before my very eyes and I'm booked onto the 5.10, only 4 hours later than my original flight! All the girls behind the desk marvel at how lucky I am. I assume they're talking about my lucky timing and not my physical appearance, and toddle off with my steel to check in for a second time.

I finally get home at around 7.30 and another Otis adventure is over. Next Otis and Black Liars date is in Basingstoke on August the First, although it's unlikely that Nick will make that as his Edinburgh month starts at about the same time.. could Folsom Prison Blues re-appear as the opening number? Find out in the next episode of Myron's Diary: The Hat Years. Myron"

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